just tell him i said nine months
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
