you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
