That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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