She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
