if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
