god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize