Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
