My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize