Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's great music for shaving your balls
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
