Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
