just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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