Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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