I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
