I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
