I need help removing her.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
