Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
