dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize