Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
