so explain again why im purple
no
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize