high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
