sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
