TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
