I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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