I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
