marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
