how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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