Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
