I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
