i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
