Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
