Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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