Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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