Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
