either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am available for nakedness
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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