I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
