My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
