In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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