I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize