I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
