Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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