I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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