ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
