I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
