Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
