Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're a waste of cheezeits
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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