"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
