dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
