the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And then he peed in my hair
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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