it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
