I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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