we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
