Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
