i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
