im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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