I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
