At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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