PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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