We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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