you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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