Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize