'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
