I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
