im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
