if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
