I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
