Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
