Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i came on her dog
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
