we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
