youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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