A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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