Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
