I love black thongs
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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