I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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