Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was like getting head from an anaconda
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
