Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
