It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
