nut hugger
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
