it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
