I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
