I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
