She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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