Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i've created a new STD.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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