college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
