So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
