dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My vagina is officially offended.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
