college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
