So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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