It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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