I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
