He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
