god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
