apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
