first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
