so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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